A gift just for you
Pamper yourself to beat stress over hectic holiday tasks
By Patti Carmalt-Vener 12/17/2009
Dear Patti,
I’m having trouble getting into the holiday spirit. I have a high-pressure job and very little free time. After I’m through working and finally get to come home, I’m so exhausted that the last thing I feel like doing is going out again for Christmas shopping. I’ve got three adult kids plus their spouses, four grandchildren and eight nieces and nephews to buy for. I’m known for being the one that always buys each family member the perfect personalized gift. It’s a tradition everyone loves, as well as a creative outlet for me to show how much I care but, frankly, I’m just worn out and everything that would normally seem fun and rewarding feels too much like work. Any ideas?
—Cheryl
Dear Cheryl,
You’re not alone. A lot of people are feeling overwhelmed from the stressful combination of working long hours, maintaining demanding careers and trying to create a fulfilling lifestyle for themselves and their families. Holidays seem to take an even bigger toll on their energy levels and can sometimes make favorite traditions feel like obligations the size
of Mt. Everest.
It’s a common reaction when you’re suffering from burnout to want to push even harder to get things done. The reality, though, is that those feelings of fatigue are a signal to take time to stop, relax and revitalize your system. There are always going to be more items on your to-do list, but if you make the mistake of running yourself into the ground trying to catch up, you’ll only get more depleted. You may believe you don’t have enough time to stop and play — but the truth is you can’t afford not to.
So how can you fulfill your family’s expectations without ending up even more dog-tired than before? Let’s start with your writing down a list of things that are fun to do when shopping — within appropriate budget limits, of course — and intersperse them throughout your shopping chores. For instance, instead of buying item after item like you’re a mouse on a treadmill, buy a few gifts and then stop and have a cup of coffee with a piece of mince pie, get your nails done, buy yourself a new lipstick or a cute pair of red Christmas shoes. Do things that make you smile, laugh, relax and feel beautiful.
No matter how much shopping you have to do, it’s important to allocate some time to pamper yourself. If your feet start to hurt, stop and rest, watch the children talk to Santa Claus and listen to the holiday music. Be in the moment. Talk to the shopkeepers. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Do something like a yoga or meditation class that renews your spirits either before or after shopping.
Visiting a day spa might be fun.
Make shopping a social occasion. Take a good friend with you, laugh, giggle and make it a girlfriend date. Shop a little, go to a movie together and then shop some more. Be with nurturing companions who are warm and easily give affection, attention and compliments — all of which will refresh and invigorate you during this busy season.
Don’t be unwilling to ask for support. Recognize that you can’t do it all and shouldn’t do it all alone. Delegate! If some of the gifts on your list are things like a specific book or CD that anyone could buy, make a list and hire a teenager or ask a family member to be your buyer for the afternoon. Buy presents online. Have someone do chores that will free you up for gift-buying and holiday preparation.
Last but not least, think about the grandparent, aunt or uncle that seemed to always have the most joy on Christmas day; chances are they were doing some of these same things and having fun throughout the season.
Patti Carmalt-Vener has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 23 years and has offices in Pasadena, Santa Monica and Canoga Park. Contact her at (626) 584-8582.
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