A world of difference
More than a little gender differentiation is needed to decorate a home correctly
By Joanna Beresford 01/21/2010
Girls are more polite than boys. That’s what John Stossel of ABC News essentially discovered in April. In collaboration with researchers at the University of California, Stossel gave some really horrible lemonade, made with salt instead of sugar, to a bunch of boys and girls. The boys said it was crap, the girls said it was very nice. Some people think that’s a biological difference, other people think it’s learned, and some don’t believe that it exists at all.
Then there’s the difference between men and women. Elusive, hard to quantify, harder to even justify. But it cracks me up when I hear anecdotal support for the Martian/Venetian theory — that we come from different planets, practically, in terms of needs and behaviors. But get deep inside people’s lives, all the way into the private sanctity of their homes, and that’s where you sometimes find the contrast.
Interior designers note the disparity between husbands and wives when it comes to making choices about designing or redecorating a home. Carol Cobabe of Carol Cobabe Design has been in the business for years. She likes everyone she works with, and she earns tons of praise and referrals from her clients. She’s very friendly, conscientious and passionate about her work. And she’s observant.
“When a man is in charge of making decisions, the whole dynamic really changes, and that can be awkward,” Cobabe says. “Women tend to get more emotionally involved, while men often just want to get the job done. They don’t always tell each other what they want or what they’re thinking.”
Cobabe’s job is to watch, listen and synthesize their practical and aesthetic aspirations.
I actually remember my own mother sneaking new clothes into our house whenever my father was home — just to avoid controversy. “Don’t tell your father about all this,” she would mumble as we drove into the garage, and then we would tiptoe through the back door and whisk our bags upstairs while he was dithering around in the kitchen or his office. He was the original absent-minded-professor type, so he rarely noticed the new clothes once they were on our backs. He did, however, notice changes around the house.
My mother was a member of “the greatest generation,” and in my opinion she was pretty thrifty, but she took a lot of pride in maintaining a lovely home. When she redecorated their bedroom with new linens and draperies he practically threw himself out the window. And when she installed custom, sculpted carpet in the formal living room I thought his head was going to explode.
When we visited friends or relatives my mother was always gracious about their homes (even if she chose to skewer the hostess’ taste in subsequent private conversations). My father, on the other hand, couldn’t have cared less about interior design. It wouldn’t have occurred to him to scrutinize another person’s choice of fabrics or furniture. But if he saw cheesy paintings hanging on a wall, or spied inferior books (in his estimation) on the bookshelves, he never hesitated to announce that the offending items were “absolute horseshit,” a favorite phrase of his.
Lois Mahar of LVD Interior Design and president of the local chapter of the American Society of Interior Designers (ASID) agrees that there’s a touch of gender differentiation when it comes to decorating a home. When female clients claim that their husbands won’t care about a project, she begs to differ.
“Oh, no,” Lois insists. “He’s going to care a lot. Is he going to be home Saturday morning because, I’m coming over.” She says that some designers aren’t ashamed to bamboozle a man with too much information, bury him in fabric swatches and wallpaper samples, until he’s so confused he decides to stay out of the project altogether.
My friend Irina “the tsarina” Netchaev, real estate goddess, notes less of a disparity in the way that men and women buy and sell a home together. First of all, gender roles aren’t exactly what we would call conventional. A lot of women earn as much or more money than their husbands do, and frequently Irina works with husbands who provide primary care for their children — so decisions and transactions are invariably made on a consensual basis. Still, some specific mannerisms persist.
“It’s true that a guy is often more hesitant about hiring a professional stager to prepare a property,” Irina admits. “He usually needs a little more explanation. I also notice that men gravitate toward garages when looking at a home. They want to know if there’s room for their stuff. They’re interested in systems, plumbing. Women want to know if the home feels comfortable, if there’s space for the kids, if the space flows naturally.”
Contact Joanna Dehn Beresford at truewrite@yahoo.com.
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