Bedtime dread
There are no easy answers for children experiencing sleep terrors
By Patti Carmalt-Vener 08/26/2010
Dear Patti,
I’ve been divorced for five years and have finally fallen in love again. Camille is a wonderful artist who’s raising two children by herself and doing a beautiful job of it. We’ve been seeing each other for 11 months and Camille has insisted I get introduced to her kids slowly. Never having been a parent, I’m surprised how smoothly this has gone and how close I feel toward her children. It really concerns me, however, that Marie, her 6-year-old, has been diagnosed with sleep terrors. What is the difference between sleep terrors and nightmares, and is there anything we can do? Thanks a lot. — Rob
Dear Rob,
It’s wonderful to hear your affection and concern for Camille’s daughter. I often tell male clients dating single mothers that the most romantic thing they can do for her is respect and support her love and care for her children.
Sleep disorders are one of the common reasons that parents take their children to a mental health professional. If Marie is experiencing sleep terrors, she’s most likely waking up suddenly and sharply in the middle of a deep sleep. If she wakes up fearful, screaming, sweating, upset and having a rapid heartbeat, it’s hard for a parent to know what to do. It may also be difficult to bring her out of it and, when she does awaken, she may have difficulty calming down and going back to sleep. By morning she probably won’t remember the incident despite the intense emotions experienced at the time.
Sleep terrors are often mistaken for nightmares. The difference is that sleep terrors aren’t a reaction from a bad dream because they’re actually taking place in a deeper stage of sleep than that in which dreams occur. Approximately 3 percent of otherwise healthy children have sleep terrors. Most of the time, this problem decreases over time and is usually outgrown by adolescence. There’s not a lot known about this sleeping problem. While there have been theories based on psychological disturbances, research has not proven this to be true. The disorder’s appearance in families, however, does suggest a strong genetic component. A medical assessment and sleep study is usually recommended to rule out nightmares, seizures and other sleep disorders.
Once Marie has been diagnosed with sleep terrors, her doctor will probably want Camille to observe her and try to “wait it out” to see if the sleep terrors gradually disappear on their own. If the sleep disturbances persist in frequency, cause significant distress and interfere in functioning physically and socially when she is awake, the doctor might want to try a medication such as an antidepressant. Unfortunately, the potential side effect of daytime drowsiness can be difficult for a young child just starting school.
Another treatment Marie’s doctor might supervise is scheduled awakening. The first step is keeping a record to reveal the pattern of approximately what time Marie typically wakes up, since sleep terrors often occur at the same time each night. Camille will probably then be instructed to wake her daughter a half-hour before the sleep terror typically occurs, and this might help the problem go away even more quickly.
Part of loving and caring for children can sometimes be burdensome if your own sleep is being interrupted when a child is sick or has a sleep disorder. Because you’re not used to being in a parental role, it may be especially difficult for you at first. If it’s right, though, such a commitment may be one of your life’s greatest rewards. It sounds like you’re doing fine, but nonetheless I’d recommend frequently asking yourself if your needs are getting met and, if there is a problem, addressing it with Camille. n
Patti Carmalt-Vener, a faculty member with the Southern California Society for Intensive Short Term Psychotherapy, has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 23 years and has offices in Pasadena, Santa Monica and Canoga Park. Contact her at (626) 584-8582 or email pcarmalt@aol.com.
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