Betty Bad-Ass

Just after I foiled an attack myself, I found a book called “Her Wits About Her: Self-defense Success Stories by Women,” by Denise Caignon and Gail Grove. Up until that time, most stories I knew from books, newspapers, or entertainment were about women ending up the victim of a completed crime, crimes most often committed by males. Unconsciously, I accepted the idea that a male would always prevail in an assault upon a female. The success stories in “Her Wits About Her” were inspiring accounts from ordinary women — like me — of what they did to stop an attempted bodily crime against them. Every time I hear a success story, I am eager to pass on the story, as well as the torch of “get yourself some self-defense training immediately,” because you never know when you may need to help yourself out of a violent situation.

To protect my friend’s privacy, I’ll call her Betty and alter a few details. Betty got herself out of a dangerous home she’d just gotten into with a violent boyfriend by using her wits and self-defense.

Background and context: Earlier this year, I wrote about a friend of mine who I nick-named “Wendy Whoop-Ass.” I had persisted for four years in encouraging her to enroll in a full-force full-impact self-defense class with Impact Personal Safety in Los Angeles. I was concerned that Ms. Whoop-Ass, a party gal, needed to know about physically defending herself because she liked to club dance at night. Finally, she did take the class — thank goodness — because she was going to have to use what she learned the night she was attacked in a ladies room at a gay bar in Pasadena. (Ironically, she’d learned to dance at gay clubs in order to avoid being hit on by hormonally hyper males.)

Paying in a way for my persistence, Ms. Whoop-Ass picked up the “get yourself some self-defense training immediately” torch. Wendy works with the aforementioned Betty and was very concerned about her, since Betty is young, naïve, and as a freelancer, has to travel around LA County a lot by herself. Betty finally took an Impact Personal Safety class (www.impactpersonalsafety.com).

At her graduation, she was really ferocious as she fought the male instructor who is padded from head to foot in protective gear. The padding allows the students to practice down and dirty fighting as realistically as possible, simulating what it would be like to fend off an actual assault. The padding also protects the teachers from living out their days as sopranos, if you catch my drift. The class changed Betty’s life, but little did she know at the time that she too would soon have to employ what she’d learned about protecting herself from violence.

Betty’s boyfriend was anxious for her to move in with him. She’d hedged for long enough, he said. For some reason, she wasn’t excited about the idea. Finally, against her instincts, she relented since she felt she needed to get out of her parents’ home.

Three months into their living together, Betty decided it wasn’t working. He was controlling and had started to try to keep her from seeing family and friends — a classic red flag for domestic abuse. He suggested they get a dog together which she didn’t want, but he got one for her birthday anyway.

Finally, without confronting him directly about his behavior, she told him she was moving out because of finances; she needed to return to her folks’ house. He went to bed and fumed. Finally, in the wee hours, he came into her room and freaked, throwing a heavy household object at her and hitting her arm. He pushed her around. She shook off her shock and realized, “Hey, a man I thought I loved is assaulting me,” and shifted into defense mode.

She transformed from Betty Battered to Betty Bad-Ass. She took a “ready” stance and held her hands up to protect her center-point and head. She yelled, not screamed, for him to “back off.” She’d already rehearsed this in class so she didn’t have to figure anything out in the moment. He knocked her down. She’d practiced using her legs and knew she was dangerous. “On the floor” can be a powerful position for a woman who knows how to keep her leg in a “cocked” and ready-to-kick position. Think about it: no matter how large the man, his arm and fist are not a match for a leg on any size woman who knows how to use it. She pivoted on her butt and kept her kicking leg between her and his fist.

She won. She protected herself and got away with no more than a few bruises. She now has a five-year restraining order against him. She learned that she should always listen to her instincts; that a person who ignores “No” is highly suspect, and that her safety is worth fighting for. She is also now in the “get yourself some self-defense training immediately” torch relay. Pass it on.