Blinded by success
Ford’s future look is so bright it hurts your eyes
By Jennifer Hadley 07/22/2010
Last week, I was reading the news from my favorite news source, Facebook, when I came across an interesting status update from my friend Amanda. “Did you know? In ‘Back to the Future,’ Doc sets his clock for 25 years in the future? Today is that day!” Some arguments from other “Back to the Future”-obsessed friends followed her status update. I certainly don’t have time to try to figure out if her claim was accurate, but it did get me to thinking about what 2010 was supposed to look like when we imagined it in 1985. Flying cars were supposed to be the way of the world. The future was supposed to be bright like that. In their defense, Ford is making things a little brighter for new car buyers, only their way of doing it is so bright it burns my eyes.
One look at fordcustomgraphics.com and you’ll see just what I’m talking about. Apparently, on the heels of the success of the custom graphics available for the Ford Fiesta, custom graphics for the F-150 and Mustang are “coming soon.” Oh, thank heavens. If I can’t fly my car, I might as well make it the eyesore of the freeway so that everyone notices me. Although the graphics that will be available for the F-150 and the Mustang aren’t available online yet, you can pop over to take a gander at fordfiestagraphics.com to see what we might expect.
“Your Fiesta Represents You” declares the homepage. “Add some personality to your already awesome Fiesta.” If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was a joke. Images of the Fiesta in various shades of vomit appear on the screen, customized to represent, oh, I don’t know, the Lollipop Kids?
There’s the Green Orchid with “Ninja Blades,” or as I’d call it, sour apple with spikes. There’s the Fiesta in Blue Flame with “Round Zig.” Ah, yes, a round zig always has represented me. You can customize your Bright Magenta sedan with “Bubbles” or make your Ingot Silver ride ever more delectable by customizing it with “Fancy.” (“Fancy” incidentally looks like those wispy dandelions that you make a wish and blow on).
But lest you worry that this wave of the future in Ford cars will cost you an arm and a leg for custom paint, let the fact that these are essentially decals assuage your fears. The graphics are made of only 3M vinyl and laminated for protection, according to the site. That means they won’t damage your car, but they are designed to be replaceable and should last between three to five years.
However, before you go getting all excited about creating a Ford that truly represents you, be forewarned that you cannot create your own graphics. You will have to order from the designs currently available. I don’t know about you, but who needs to create their own graphics when such unique options as “Circles,” “Dots,” “Arrows,” “Jagged Line” or “City Scape” are all yours for the taking? Really, what better way to express who you truly are than by driving your Yellow Blaze Fiesta emblazoned with “Hypnose” through Old Pasadena? If that doesn’t say, “I am OK and do not need your attention or validation,” I don’t know what does.
While I have yet to find what graphics will be available for the F-150 pickup, I sure hope one of the options available is “Tools.” How fun to drive around in a truck covered with little hammers. Or maybe the Mustang will offer graphics that look like horses, or even little mini mustangs, decorating your Mustang. Now that would be something to see.
In the meantime, I’m putting on my shades, because if this trend in making our cars even more “awesome” catches on, the future is going to be so bright I’ll go plumb blind. And then how on earth will I steer my unoriginal, gunmetal gray flying car?
Contact Jennifer Hadley at firstname.lastname@example.org