'Father of the World'
The Hun in your house will enjoy any Father’s Day gift given with love
By Joanna Beresford 06/18/2009
Everybody always complains about finding gifts for men, like they’re so hard to buy for, and they already have everything, and God forbid you get him another tie or Led Zeppelin CD or barbecue book. But, what if you were one of Attila the Hun’s kids, or wives, or a relative or nobleman or something, what would you offer a guy like Attila?
Historians can’t quite agree on the true nature of his infamous persona, either. He was a Hun, a barbarian and a warrior king who conquered lots of territory, was very rich, and was held in awe by his contemporaries. And he was a father. The Roman historian Priscus describes a meal during which Attila is accompanied by his sons, along with visiting dignitaries — no women allowed, natch —which could easily pass for a Father’s Day celebration.
First of all, you probably wouldn’t bring him a lot of fancy baubles or gadgets. According to Priscus, Attila drank his wine out of an ivy-wood bowl, and while his guests were served an elaborate feast on silver platters, “Attila just had some meat on a wooden platter, for this was one aspect of his self-discipline … His clothes, too, were simple. The sword that hung by his side, the clasps of his barbarian shoes, and the bridle of his horse were all free from gold, precious stones or other valuable decorations affected by the other Scythians.”
Fast forward about 1,500 years, cross an ocean and a continent, and here we are in the cradle of the San Gabriel Mountains, at the apex of civilization. How should we celebrate the important men in our lives?
How about surprising him with the SpencerForrest X5 Hair Laser, the Next Generation of Laser Hair Therapy, guaranteeing results for thinning hair. Or, to alleviate stress, tension and migraines in the Head of the Family, you could buy him a Head Spa Massager. Or, there’s an electronic listening device that incorporates bionic sound technology and allows Dad to hear sounds from as far away as 300 feet; or the G-Force Big Ben LED Atomic Clock Weather Station — “the world’s first patented weather station atomic clock.” All of these items are available through Gadget Universe, an Alexander Innovation Wizard company.
Online I’ve discovered everything from a pet’s-eye-view camera (hang it around your dog’s neck and you’ll see the world like a canine), to Kindles, electronic chess games, USB roll-up drum kits that fit on a desk, underwater cameras and, of course, the universal, oversized remote control for the entertainment center in your home. And my favorite: a remote control music player and drink carrier that floats around in the pool, delivering cocktails and cool vibes to family and friends.
Store manager Pamela Otlowski has worked at Brookstone for more than a decade. She guided me through her showroom in Palm Desert this week, pointing out the most popular items. iPod audio systems are this year’s biggest sellers. They come in all sizes and configurations, most of them able to fill a whole room with sound, and they range in price from over $300 to less than a hundred bucks.
The Osim massage chairs exert a siren-like appeal for most guys. Two particular models are on sale at Brookstone currently; if you want to buy one, you’ll spend somewhere between $1,800 and $4,000, depending on exactly where and how much you want your man to vibrate.
Other gadgets include everything from a teeny six-in-one multi-tool flashlight, with bottle opener, screwdriver, and wire-cutter, to the “Jimi Clock that Rocks,” digital photo frames, ab-rockers, a talking, wireless “grill alert” meat thermometer, a sommelier’s wine chiller, poker sets, telescopes and remote control helicopters.
Right now my own father grins at me from out the recesses of a simple photo frame. He wouldn’t be especially interested in most of these gadgets and he’s no longer here to appraise them, anyway. He preferred handmade cards and an occasional cigar. But, like most of us, he especially preferred anything that was conferred with love. So, I send much love to him and all the men in our lives this week — happy Father’s Day to all!
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