Fresh start
New Year is the right time to resolve to change for the better
By Patti Carmalt-Vener 12/31/2009
Here’s to a wonderful new year and a fresh beginning!
With New Year’s resolutions come a sense of hope, excitement, a desire to make life better, a chance for renewal and a dream of a new self that resonates deep inside.
If you had a chance to do it all over and experience a life true to who you really are, what would that life look like? When you’re 90 years old and reflect on the past, are you going to say with satisfaction, “I lived life to the fullest?” Or will your view be one of regret, accompanied by the words, “I wasted my life?” Let’s start right now by making a list of everything you want to change.
Review this list of resolutions and then pick one that’s exciting and fills you with deep positive feelings and represents a significant change in your life. The goal you choose should be one important to you, not what others expect of you. Giving your New Year’s resolution your full attention is better than doing multiple things poorly or not at all. Plan out and write a statement of intent that is specific, realistic and contains measurable goals. Don’t write “get out of debt” but rather “I want the loan to mom and dad paid off by July and all my credit cards paid off by the end of the year.”
Create a resolution calendar marked with clear small achievements to keep you on track and give you the confidence to continue.
Recruit everybody that loves you and is supportive to help whenever possible. If you tell your friends and family about it, they’re not going to let you off the hook; they’ll be asking about your progress and helping motivate you to achieve your goal. Network with friends and family members who have similar goals so you can work on your resolutions together and provide one another with helpful support and encouragement.
Practice, practice, practice! Research shows that only 12 percent of participants in a resolution study actually achieved their goals. Identifying your resolution is fairly undemanding. Following through and making it a success can be overwhelming. Start actively harnessing your motivation today and resolve to achieve your resolution one day at a time for one year. Keep your written statement and your planning calendar in a highly visible space to serve as a reminder of the new strategies you’re incorporating into your life. Schedule dedicated time each week to monitor the results and make adjustments. Your life is a work in progress. Nothing big gets accomplished overnight. Resolutions are set in one day but are implemented with a hundred tiny steps that happen throughout the whole year.
Eliminate the inner voice that is critical, ordering, labeling, belittling, preaching or threatening. Substitute these negative traits with nurturing and healing thoughts of self-love and support. Be gentle and loving toward yourself when you forget or make a mistake. Visualize how amazing it will be to have your goal completed. Remember to celebrate your successes by pampering and renewing yourself with recognition, compliments, fun and support.
Change of any kind is challenging, but if you persist with small steps and appreciate each accomplishment you make, the new you will be well worth the effort.
Happy New Year!
Patti Carmalt-Vener has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 23 years and has offices in Pasadena, Santa Monica and Canoga Park. Contact her at (626) 584-8582.
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