In a word ...

The agreement reached this week by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Legislature is nothing to crow about.

In order to close a $26.3 billion budget deficit, the governor and lawmakers hammered out a deal that closes this chasm by using a few accounting tricks, imposing some new taxes (in spite of the governor’s threats of veto), and eliminating programs for the poor, sick and elderly. In addition, schools will get less money and more crowded, universities will be more expensive and everything from road repairs to public safety will be extra costly.

The days when California really was the Golden State, prior to the freezing of property taxes with passage of Proposition 13, when California was running a $6 billion surplus and practically everything was free — school, health care, emergency services — are long over.

There’s a word for what’s been happening here, this squandering of a once truly great legacy of opportunity for all, only we’re not exactly sure what it is. Actually, there are likely many words that could be used to describe this situation and those who created it.

Ironically, we found some help in our feature story this week, which focuses on the world of alternative word lists, like the Urban Dictionary, where Internet users get to offer their own words and definitions, and then vote on whether they fit into our everyday lexicon. What could be more democratic — and more revealing — than the way people really feel about certain words and topics? Subjects like government and politics, for instance.

Let’s start with the word “situation” itself. California isn’t really in a situation, per se, but rather a “shituation,” which the Urban Dictionary describes alternately as the way Sean Connery actually says “situation” and the moment when a diaper has reached its holding capacity, but is most widely accepted as 1. “A bad situation” and 2. “A dramatic, usually negative happening resulting in utter shit in one’s life,” as will certainly be the case for many Californians after Arnold signs this budget. An incredible 3,625 people actually spent time voting on this — people who may even actually vote in real elections — with 3,248 agreeing with the aforementioned definition.

If you thought that was interesting, though, look at how all but 154 of another 1,200 “voters” defined the word “government”: “A money-driven conspiracy of liars, cheaters, and con artists claiming to control all morality.” A second definition was no more flattering.

“Something that everyone would be better off if there was less of,” it reads, with the helpful context added, “Don’t you just love how the government takes your money and dumps it into the toilet?” That kind of fits what’s happening now, doesn’t it? Or was that people dumped in the toilet because there is no money?

“Politicians” didn’t fare much better in this wacky and somewhat jaundiced but still painfully honest world of words. They are defined as 1. “A person who practices politics,” with the warning, “‘Politics’ is derived from the words ‘poly’ meaning ‘many,’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘blood-sucking parasites,’” 2. “One who has perfected the art of lying,” 3. “A highly paid yes-man,” and 4. “People that should never, ever be trusted under any circumstances.”

Just for kicks, we looked up terms like “governor,” “legislature,” “legislator” and “lawmaker” and came away with a deeper understanding of people’s contempt for the government and those who run it.

“Governor,” we found, is not only defined as 1. “The chief executive of a state in the United States,” but also 2. “One’s employer,” also seen spelled as “guv’ner” or the informal “guv,” as in “Good Mornin’, Governor.” It’s also defined as “a long fat line of cocaine,” as in, “I just cut you a governor.”

There were no actual definitions for “legislator” or “legislature,” only references to other words and terms that might be associated with them, like “conflict of interest,” “self-serving,” “job security,” “corporation,” “liar,” “committee mentality” and “obstructionist.”

“Lawmaker” also wasn’t defined, but alternatives were offered, including “Solonian,” or “moderate or reasonable. Fair. Named after Solon, an ancient Athenian lawmaker who overturned the harsh laws of Draco.”

But there’s also this: “Hypnocrat — Noun: (hip-nuh-krat). Any political representative who tells their constituency exactly what they want to hear. Sometimes, though not necessarily, associated with democratic politicians. All campaign promises can be described as hypnocratic. The sole purpose is not to set up a realistic to-do list once office is reached, but rather to garner support among one’s political base. Essentially any time a politician is engaging in the act of promising action as opposed to actively following through.”

Knowing how much some unfortunate people are going to be suffering, how few teens will be able to attend college, how few kids will get a good education, how many elderly folks may actually be killed by the effects of these cuts, we’re not sure there is just one word to describe the carnage to come from the state budget compromise that our “governor,” “lawmakers” and “politicians” seem to be so proud of “accomplishing.”

If you can think of just one or two words that sum it all up — rip-off (hyphenates count as one word), hose-job, failure, scam … whatever comes to mind — drop us a line and we’ll put it in the paper.

Send your ideas to kevinu@pasadenaweekly.com.