Just listen to yourself
‘Hear’ what your body’s telling you, then find the best people possible to fulfill those demands
By Patti Carmalt-Vener 01/21/2010
Imagine the longing to have a child of your own and yet seeing that desire go unfulfilled year after year. As many times as you’ve visualized it, it feels as if it will never come true. And then one day you learn that the adoption you’ve dreamt of — the chance to give your commitment, dedication and unconditional love to another human being — is about to take place. Allow yourself to feel the anticipation of opening the door and seeing your new baby for the first time. You and you alone have been entrusted to nurture this fragile life, to keep it safe from harm and to encourage it to be the very best it can be.
With this sense of eagerness and joy in mind, I want to introduce you to the single most precious and important person you’ll ever meet.
Ready? Find a mirror and look into it. It doesn’t matter whether the image facing you is tall, short, old, young, healthy or sick; adopt him or her unconditionally. If you’ve felt orphaned and alone until this moment, it’s time to embrace true acceptance and make the commitment to love, adore and respect the person you really are. No longer is it acceptable to indulge in self-neglect of your physical and mental health. This means paying attention to your mind and intellect, your body and your emotions.
Just as a responsible parent gives attention to a beloved child who’s tired or sad or in pain, it’s important to be mindful and focused on what your body is trying to communicate to you throughout the day. Are you relaxed or tense? Are you unconsciously swinging your leg back and forth or tapping your fingers against a table to release tension? Rather than dismissing this habit with the excuse that you always do this, consider the possible causes. Are you tired or fully rested and alert? Are you scheduling enough hours to sleep? Become more aware of when you’re sleepy, hungry or sexually aroused. Have you been running around all day and not taking the time to feed yourself properly? Are you happy, excited, lonely, sad or angry? Are you living in the moment or stressing too much about the past or future? Listen to these feelings and try to understand why they’re occurring.
What important thoughts that are connected to your feelings need to be heard amongst the unnecessary chatter inside of your mind? Take time each day to practice a form of ‘”mindfulness” by focusing on your breathing — a basic meditation — and begin to truly experience your body sensations. Exercise a conscious attitude toward your environment — the sights, smells, sounds, tastes and tactile sensations.
One indication of a mentally healthy ego is responding quickly to hurt rather than ignoring it or treating it with indifference. Whether it’s a symptom of physical pain or emotional distress, always pay attention when your body is telling you something is wrong. This also means making a commitment to the best health care you can possibly set up for yourself — an arrangement tailored to your own individual needs. Sometimes people will spend countless hours shopping for just the right pair of shoes or seeking the perfect job or house, but will often accept the very first doctor, psychotherapist, dentist, exercise coach or masseuse that comes along.
These relationships are special ones because they’ll be working closely with you to keep your physical and emotional well-being on track.
Hand in hand with establishing a support team of medical professionals you can rely on and trust, it’s essential that you create a loving community of friends and family to support you and believe in you when life throws daunting curveballs that challenge your ability to love and take care of yourself. Keep in mind that years of neglect, self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness can’t be erased overnight but, instead, require a day-by-day approach to allowing genuine love, appreciation and self-care to flow.
Whenever you feel stressed or overwhelmed during the day, pay attention to yourself in order to restore your overall health and encourage a positive mindset.
Patti Carmalt-Vener, a faculty member with the Southern California Society for Intensive Short Term Psychotherapy, has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 23 years and has offices in Pasadena, Santa Monica and Canoga Park. Contact her at (626) 584-8582 or send letters to patticarmalt-vener.com.
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