Puppy Love
EARLY LESSONS ON PET OWNERSHIP WILL LAST A LIFETIME
By Patti Carmalt-Vener 12/24/2008
Dear Patti,
As soon as school was out for the holidays, my husband and I surprised our 11-year-old daughter Ashley by taking her to the Pasadena Humane Society to pick out a Christmas puppy. Ashley, an only child, has wanted a dog for as long as we can remember and she’s old enough to be at least partially responsible for the pet’s care. She picked out a rusty-brown female puppy and named her Ginger (short for Gingerbread).
Ashley heard from our neighbors about various dog food recalls and is now very worried. What do I tell her?
Happy Holidays, Patti.
—Stephanie
Dear Stephanie,
It’s hard for parents when they can’t promise their child’s future won’t be without heartache. It’s a reality that loved ones — including pets — can be at risk to outside dangers, but supporting Ashley to love and commit to Ginger in spite of these challenges is a beautiful message.
Listen and give your full attention while Ashley voices her fears. Have her be specific in sharing her thoughts and feelings so you’ll know exactly what her concerns are. Then empower her to learn all about the problem. Together, look up the issue of dog food recall on the Internet, read newspaper articles, talk to your vet and ask the opinions of other dog owners and people at your favorite pet store so that the two of you can make informed decisions.
Once Ashley feels that everything, within reason, is being done to keep Ginger safe, encourage her to move on. Mentor your daughter to be “in the moment” of experiencing the joys of pet ownership. It sounds like a normal reaction to the responsibility of being a first-time pet owner, but if she continues to be overly worried and fearful, she may need professional counseling to get to the root of the matter.
Teaching and supporting Ashley to cope with such problems is a wonderful lesson that will last for her lifetime. Make sure you express to her how proud you are of her ability to love and care for other beings.
Merry Christmas, Stephanie, to your whole family, including Gingerbread!
Dear Patti,
I love my 22-year-old younger brother, but he’s always been difficult to be around. He’s been diagnosed as having a borderline personality disorder and therapy has been recommended. I want him to see my therapist because he’s great at what he does, but my brother doesn’t want to see the same therapist.
Even though I worry that he’s making a mistake, I respect his decision. Someone told him about a therapy called dialectical behavior therapy and he wants to try that. My therapist never heard of it.
Have you?
—Tess
Dear Tess,
Your support of your brother’s need to see someone of his own choosing is wise because it will facilitate the trusting relationship needed in order for emotional growth to occur. I understand your concern and agree it’s essential for him to see a competent therapist trained in treating borderline personality disorder.
Dialectical behavior therapy is known to be effective for this condition. It is called “dialectical” because of the paradox that a therapist must accept a patient unconditionally, just as he is, while concurrently working with him or her to produce change.
I recognize that it can be hard at times to stay supportive, but I admire you for doing so.
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