Rock and rule!

Former White House Press Secretary Dee Dee Myers has written an important new book that I highly recommend. “Why Women Should Rule the World” takes a spectrum of threads and weaves them into an entertaining and relevant tapestry for those who find themselves tongue-tied when arguing for more female leadership. I get stymied by knowing too much sometimes, and have a hard time deciding which “thread” to talk about in response to: “Why do you think the mere possession of a vagina makes a difference in leadership?”

Even though it’s a crass way to put it, it is a legitimate question. We gals have yet to attain any real parity in almost any male-dominated endeavor for any significant amount of time, so almost any answer requires faith, conjecture and anecdotes about “token” women.

Many of us have seen the line: “For the hand that rocks the cradle/Is the hand that rules the world,” by William Ross Wallace, an American poet. Trained for the most part not to make waves, many women’s formative years were spent in preparation for cradle, not boat rocking. However, many of us are no longer content with raising babies to become the leaders we might have been. Rather, we’d like to be able to rule AND rock cradles. Rock and Rule, sisters!

As the first woman to hold the very visible, prominent and yes, “rocky” press secretary position, Myers writes from both an insider and outsider perspective. Like many of us who have battled to be included in mostly all-male bastions, we may get to climb the ladder, but we’ve still got barriers to actual full participation once we’re in the “no girls allowed” treehouse of public life. Hence, we are outsiders on the inside.

The “first woman” position is a hard one, and we don’t often get to hear firsthand about that experience. Myers shares her frustration and gratitude in equal measure. It’s just the right mix of a sense of history as well as an on-the-ground, “Hey! Boys! This is NOT fair!” account, without being at all whiney. (I actually think more of us should whine … loud and often. After all, a lawsuit is simply a formalized, expensive form of whining.)

Men should read “Why Women Should Rule the World,” especially those with daughters. It includes an entertaining survey of studies and anecdotes that start to scratch the surface of why women’s leadership styles are not just men’s approaches in pantyhose and pumps. One of the anecdotes I like best in Myers’ book is about Frances Kaiser, a county sheriff in Texas. It’s hard to think of a more macho profession than Texan county sheriff, right? It’s the quintessential expression of good ol’ boy-ness.

Well, good ol’ Sheriff Kaiser was called in to handle a potential suicide by a man she’d known for years. She was able to handle the frightening circumstance in a most so-called “feminine” way. In her own words, from Myers book: “I knew he really didn’t want to do that. … I went in and I told him that he needed a hug. And I put my arm around his shoulder. He was sitting in a chair with the gun down between his knees, and when I touched him and put my arm around him, he just wilted, he just relaxed. And the other officer that was with me took the gun.”

It’s pretty safe to say it would be much harder for a male sheriff — even if he had the instinct to hug — to follow his heart, given how much pressure men are under to be seen as hard-asses; in control and dominant. And of course, a hug is a sissy approach. I’m sure that man is grateful a sissy sheriff was in the office that day.

Myers explains a very complex professional circumstance — being the first female White House press secretary — from a personal, and yes, feminine, perspective. While we’re not quite sure what “feminine” is precisely, since there are as many expressions of femininity as there are women and girls, Myers does a great job of putting her sometimes impossible job into a gender perspective.

The nature/nurture arguments still rage with some thinkers and writers. Some of them say gender is almost solely based on “nurture” (trained into us), while others argue for “nature” (we’re all wired to be gendered according to biology). I would say most of us who care about these gender issues would land more or less in the middle. There are some things that are “natural” and some things that are “nurtured.”

Regardless of where you stand on the nature vs. nurture conversation, Dee Dee Myers has given us a gift by writing down her life in the White House as a career woman. Read it and let her share that milestone in history with you.

Ellen Snortland teaches a writing workshop in Altadena. Contact her at www.snortland.com.