The book terrorists didn't really read

There’s a popular line of “demotivator” products by Despair Inc. including mugs, posters and T-shirts. My favorite is a poster with a sinking ship and the caption: “MISTAKES — it could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.” I thought of this poster immediately as I read “Seize the Day Job: The Humor Book Al-Qaeda Kept You From Reading!” by PW reporter Carl Kozlowski and his friend Tim Joyce. I recommend that you run to your computer and order it immediately. Demonstrate that we CAN shop and stop the terrorists from doing more damage to our lives!

This is a shameless plug for a friend because everyone needs a break, right? My pal and colleague Carl and his pal Tim, who is a full-time comedian, wrote and published a self-help parody book released around the time of the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11. Needless to say, the national mood was not all that keen on comic anything. Talk about an anti-break.

Everyone knows the euphemism for civilian death during wartime is “collateral damage,” a term that I despise since it’s just a sneaky way to say “slaughter.” But Carl and Tim experienced a death of sorts, a book death, a “collateral flop.” But that condition — happily — can be remedied since their book is still funny, even after nearly seven years of lying dormant.

And today, “Seize the Day Job” is enjoying a comeback — a renaissance, if you will — and, like a phoenix, has risen from the ashes of our national tragedy.

But after reading “Seize the Day Job,” I couldn’t help but realize how grateful I am to not be Carl or Tim — and that alone is worth the cover price. I searched my mental hard drive for what I could call what they’ve done. It’s not chick lit, obviously. They are too guileless to label their work dick lit, nor is it boomer lit since they’re both too young. The term Y-Generation lit, or Y-G lit, isn’t sticky enough. There is a certain wit to loser lit, though, which hits closer to home when attempting to categorize the Kozlowski/Joyce take on life.

Whenever a friend of mine writes a book, I like to buy a dozen or so copies, have the author sign them, then give them as gifts. Hmm. To whom would I give, “Seize the Day Job,” or for my more erudite readers “Carpe Diem Labor?” Then it hit me. For those empty-nesters who get the call, “Hey, Mom, Dad. I’ve lost my job and I need to move back into the house.” “Sure, sure,” they choke, “for how long, sweetie?” If said offspring says, “Whenever,” do I have a gift for them! Loser lit saves the day! Don’t let this happen to you!

You know the phrase “cold shoulder,” right? In feudal days the lord and lady of the castle were obligated to receive guests. Uncle Lancelot and Aunt Guinevere could show up with 30 people in their retinue … then stay for months. You try accommodating 30 medieval relatives and their livestock. Think of the laundry! Think of the sweat! Besides the extra body odor alone, their little “stay” could run the manor into the poorhouse. It was too rude to sit down with the moochers, er, guests and level with them: “Look, you’re eating us out of castle and casks here; move on.”

Directness like that could start a war. So, our hosts would, as a code that everyone knew, serve a cold shoulder of mutton for the evening meal! Oops. Got the cold shoulder. Bye-bye. Of course, our contemporary equivalent is the slacker child. Voilà! They will not care one wit about cold shoulders, but a copy of “Seize the Day Job” on their pillow ought to act like a repellant charm, provided, of course, they know how to read.

Carl and Tim have that cranky-pants, curmudgeonly tone that I love. Misanthropic, crabby, you just gotta love a book that uses the word “jalopy” three times. I especially appreciated the rumination on the ubiquitous use of the phrase, “Are you done working on that?” used by servers asking if they can clear your plate at a restaurant. Who started that? I’m eating, not working here.

Our boys have many warnings on dating, practical advice on interviews and jobs to avoid, both permanent and temporary. I especially laughed out loud at Carl’s career advice, “Being a journalist may not be such a good idea because when you actually have to publish for a living, there is evidence as to whether you’ve actually been working or not!” Indeed, when you write for a living, looking busy doesn’t cut it.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” To buy or seize the book, you can go to Carl’s Web site at http://www.americasfunniestreporter.com/ so he can continue writing for a living.

Ellen Snortland coaches a writers’ workshop in Altadena. Catch her new blog snortland.blogspot.com or contact her at www.snortland.com.