What not to wear
Finding the middle ground is the best fashion advice for ambiguous summer gatherings
By Erin Loomis 07/15/2010
Hooray for summer! Even though we grownups no longer have the three months of lazy freedom once afforded by the school system, we try our damndest to pretend that summer is a footloose and fancy free time of year anyhow. I love that summer is packed with wall-to-wall gatherings. I don’t love that most gatherings in the summer are misleadingly titled, or not titled at all due to laid back summer thinking, making it difficult to figure out what the hell we are supposed to wear.
My parents raised me to believe that one can never be overdressed. I often fought the theory, insisting that a tiara or a tuxedo at a pool party would be, in fact, inappropriate, but my parents held fast to their position. So over the years, I was dressed in uncomfortable frilly dresses and patent leather Mary Janes that squished my toes for all-important family gatherings, despite the fact that my cousins were often romping around barefoot and my uncle had generally taken off his shirt sometime before we arrived.
When I pointed out these facts, my parents would come back at me with the ever-present wisdom, “If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?”
I still contend that my response would depend on the height of the bridge and if it was over a swimming pool or large trampoline.
Despite my early resentment of erring on the side of “dressy” when faced with an ambiguous social situation, I learned that it is actually an excellent way to avoid being embarrassed by inappropriate ensemble choices and it has totally worked for me, until this summer. Summer has only just begun and I have already experienced two major fashion mortification situations.
I was recently invited to a gathering at my boyfriend’s place of employment. He described it as a barbeque, but I assumed that because his bosses were going to be there, I should look especially presentable. The plan was for me to meet him there, so
I dug through my closet, tried on nearly its entire contents and started over. I eventually settled on an adorable red summery dress and a pair of cute super tall platforms I’d just added to my collection. As an afterthought on my way out the door I grabbed a pair of flip-flops, because the shoes were new and a girl should always be prepared. After all, blisters suck.
As I pulled up, I realized I had chosen poorly. The party was right there in the parking lot. There was a huge smoking oil drum barbeque. People were chatting around cases of cheap beer. There were kids running amok with water guns, barefoot. People were shirtless. All of the women were wearing cut offs or cargo pants. Everyone seemed to have gotten a memo about neutral colors being the preferred palate for the occasion. Why did I ever listen to my parents? It was the frilly dress and Mary Janes all over again! I was literally about to throw the car in reverse to get home and change into something less flashy when I was spotted by someone who knew me. They waved. They announced my arrival. It was too late. I ditched all of my accessories, peeled off my shoes and threw on the flip-flops in an effort to dress down my crimson fashion mistake. It didn’t work. I stood out like a sore thumb and spent a large portion of the barbeque explaining why I was so dressed up. I vowed never to err on the side of fancy again.
A week later, I was invited to another summer gathering. It was a celebration in honor of a friend who had just received his PhD, and the host asked me to bring my bocce ball set. In my mind, bocce ball is not for fancy parties, so I just assumed that it was going to be a casual backyard kind of get-together. Considering my recent “too fancy is no good” revelation, I threw on my favorite T-shirt, a pair of shorts, and some really awesome busted up cowboy boots. When I arrived, bocce set in one hand, six pack in the other, I was shocked to discover that the party was not only fairly formal but had a Kentucky Derby theme.
Apparently I missed an email.
There I stood, clad in shorts in a sea of glorious dresses, decadent hats, kid gloves, vintage canes, floral boutonnières and other fancy items that made me feel like an ass.
I had done it again.
This time, the host tried to save me by announcing I had really taken the theme to a new level by dressing as a stable hand. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
That fashion mistake wasn’t just embarrassing, but also a great disappointment because I have a spectacular vintage hat collection and could have, had I known about the theme, knocked the socks off those partygoers with an outfit fit for a derby queen. Instead, they laughed their asses off at my bizarre “stable hand” costume.
Ultimately, I believe the best fashion advice for ambiguous summer gatherings is one of middle ground. Summer is a time to choose the baby bear’s bed of ensembles, not too fancy, not too casual, but just right. A middle ground that says, “hey its summer, and I’m laid back, still fabulous, but not too fabulous, right?” I think if I make it to Labor Day without being mistaken for a farm hand again, I will consider this summer a fashion success.
Contact Erin Loomis at madeupbyloomis@gmail.com.
DIGG | del.icio.us | REDDIT